Classes started.
I'm poor and overwhelmed.
If I could tell you something without upsetting you, I would.
If I could tell you something and get a positive reaction, I would.
Parking tickets = $65.00
I miss mom!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
August 20th, 2009...
I don't like the way I look anymore.
=X
I also know that me talking about it is bothering everyone close to me. So, I will take matters into my own hands and I will not bring it up to anyone ever again. Unless they are a professional?
Eekk.
=X
I also know that me talking about it is bothering everyone close to me. So, I will take matters into my own hands and I will not bring it up to anyone ever again. Unless they are a professional?
Eekk.
Monday, August 17, 2009
August 17th, 2009
It's been awhile, readers.
Today Ted and I have been dating for 5 months. WOW MOM. cool... even though I feel like we haven't been lately because I hardly ever see him; but that's okay because he's moving here soon and I'll see him all too often.
I was just listening to Gonna Make You Sweat by C&C Music Factory, which is a pretty ridiculous song. Sometimes when it comes on and Katie is here I turn it up really loud and pretend I'm the one saying "everybody dance now!" She laughs a lot. I was then thinking, that's probably not that funny. The only person I would ever laugh at singing that song is... my dad. Then I got to thinking how much I really am like my dad. He used to be caring, funny (hilarious actually), and he put others before himself. I bet we were really similar when we were this age and that freaks me out. I know he had lots of friends and he liked to party, but he always had people there to support him. Then he turned into a self absorbed, crazy, pot smoking, anti-dad who doesn't care about absolutely anyone or anything besides weed, how he will get it, and where he will smoke it. Everyday that's all he thinks about. Not me, not his brothers and sisters, not his life; just weed. He pushed away his wife (now ex), his second wife (also now his ex), his brothers and sisters, his friends, and now me. Should I even bother bringing a child into this world? Am I going to make them go through what I had to with my dad?
Knock me out before I become like him.
Today Ted and I have been dating for 5 months. WOW MOM. cool... even though I feel like we haven't been lately because I hardly ever see him; but that's okay because he's moving here soon and I'll see him all too often.
I was just listening to Gonna Make You Sweat by C&C Music Factory, which is a pretty ridiculous song. Sometimes when it comes on and Katie is here I turn it up really loud and pretend I'm the one saying "everybody dance now!" She laughs a lot. I was then thinking, that's probably not that funny. The only person I would ever laugh at singing that song is... my dad. Then I got to thinking how much I really am like my dad. He used to be caring, funny (hilarious actually), and he put others before himself. I bet we were really similar when we were this age and that freaks me out. I know he had lots of friends and he liked to party, but he always had people there to support him. Then he turned into a self absorbed, crazy, pot smoking, anti-dad who doesn't care about absolutely anyone or anything besides weed, how he will get it, and where he will smoke it. Everyday that's all he thinks about. Not me, not his brothers and sisters, not his life; just weed. He pushed away his wife (now ex), his second wife (also now his ex), his brothers and sisters, his friends, and now me. Should I even bother bringing a child into this world? Am I going to make them go through what I had to with my dad?
Knock me out before I become like him.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
August 4th, 2009
I'm listening to Brand New right now. It makes me wish I were in a huge studio apartment with a wall covered in white tarps and a giant canvas I could splash paint onto. I am a moody dramatic artist when I listen to music like this. Who isn't though these days? I have to go work at Shopko in a little bit and I'm really not looking forward to it. I wish I still had a fun job like I did in La Crosse, despite its shitty paycheck I had a pretty good time.
Someone come to St. Cloud and scoop me up in their arms and carry me to their car. We would drive far far away listening to the best music we've ever heard and eat the vanilla tootsie rolls. After we drive for at least 2 hours we can stop in some abandoned parking lot and dance together to Nick Drake. We will also be the best dancers we have ever been.
I like that story.
Someone come to St. Cloud and scoop me up in their arms and carry me to their car. We would drive far far away listening to the best music we've ever heard and eat the vanilla tootsie rolls. After we drive for at least 2 hours we can stop in some abandoned parking lot and dance together to Nick Drake. We will also be the best dancers we have ever been.
I like that story.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
August 1st, 2009
It was my birthday 2 days ago. And here i am.
At age 19 i feel fat, but lately i've been beginning to realize i'm not fat. i'm just not as stick-like as i was as a high school senior. but we can't all stay the same forever i suppose right? i also feel like i'm missing my soul mate. i know the address and street name of his current home and i can't be with him. i know sometimes people describe their significant others as their missing puzzle pieces, but this mate of mine is more than just a puzzle piece. if you could see the missing pieces of my soul, it would make a beautiful image. close to that of van gogh's cafe terrace or monet's water lilies. so the fact that this boy can fill my strange ridiculous hole with his existence and love is perfect and nothing can ever take it away. that's for sure.
For sure.
"I wish I were in your sheets letting your smell fill up my lungs with every breath. I would like to sleep by your side for the rest of time. The rain and the leaves and the snow can fall in every season and the only falling I will do is falling deeply madly in love with you! With this being said I would like to make you an offer you cannot refuse. If I promise to never burn your toast, or break your heart, or ruin any of your most valuable possessions on purpose, will you please stay with me forever? I will always make sure you never regret your decision to be mine."
You will never see this, but I hope you appreciate it.
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