August 1st, 2009

It was my birthday 2 days ago. And here i am.

At age 19 i feel fat, but lately i've been beginning to realize i'm not fat. i'm just not as stick-like as i was as a high school senior. but we can't all stay the same forever i suppose right? i also feel like i'm missing my soul mate. i know the address and street name of his current home and i can't be with him. i know sometimes people describe their significant others as their missing puzzle pieces, but this mate of mine is more than just a puzzle piece. if you could see the missing pieces of my soul, it would make a beautiful image. close to that of van gogh's cafe terrace or monet's water lilies. so the fact that this boy can fill my strange ridiculous hole with his existence and love is perfect and nothing can ever take it away. that's for sure.

For sure.

"I wish I were in your sheets letting your smell fill up my lungs with every breath. I would like to sleep by your side for the rest of time. The rain and the leaves and the snow can fall in every season and the only falling I will do is falling deeply madly in love with you! With this being said I would like to make you an offer you cannot refuse. If I promise to never burn your toast, or break your heart, or ruin any of your most valuable possessions on purpose, will you please stay with me forever? I will always make sure you never regret your decision to be mine."

You will never see this, but I hope you appreciate it.