Dear adoring fans,
I regret to inform you that instead of using Blogger, the trusty ol' site, I have made the switch to Tumblr. I know it's lame to conform but sometimes it's just whats best.
BLAWG, you've helped me through bad times and good times but mostly bad times.
Thanks for always listening and I'll see you on another time,
-Melissa
[www.melissamakesart.tumblr.com]
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
April 13 13th, 2010
Sometimes I look around my room and I look at myself and I think that it's strange that I never recognize who I am.
-Zebra stripe sheets
-paintings on the walls
-books on art, design, and Andy Warhol
-a violin/classical electric amp
-canon rebel
-a star wars poster on the wall
-my band posters on the wall
-a kleenex box with cartoon monsters on it
I like these things normally but for some reason right now none of this matters at all. my hormone medicine isn't working again so i'm feeling highly emotional... so it's pretty much like i'm pmsing all the time, anyway that's not important! what's important is that none of the things in my life (minus art) that normally matter right now, matter. the only thing i cannot get enough of is the most amazingness boy that i know. boy, even my 3 year relationship doesn't measure up to this. i know everything will work out and you will be able to come home; i don't think you want to miss out on this.
this isn't just a summer thing my friend, and i know you know it too. =)
-Zebra stripe sheets
-paintings on the walls
-books on art, design, and Andy Warhol
-a violin/classical electric amp
-canon rebel
-a star wars poster on the wall
-my band posters on the wall
-a kleenex box with cartoon monsters on it
I like these things normally but for some reason right now none of this matters at all. my hormone medicine isn't working again so i'm feeling highly emotional... so it's pretty much like i'm pmsing all the time, anyway that's not important! what's important is that none of the things in my life (minus art) that normally matter right now, matter. the only thing i cannot get enough of is the most amazingness boy that i know. boy, even my 3 year relationship doesn't measure up to this. i know everything will work out and you will be able to come home; i don't think you want to miss out on this.
this isn't just a summer thing my friend, and i know you know it too. =)
April 13th, 2010
I know my dad doesn't know very much about me because when I finally answer his phone calls he says, "So, how's your art class?" I know it's sweet that he's trying but, Dad, I'm in many art classes.
=|
=|
April 13th, 2010
I'm currently in my dance class where we're learning about modern dance and watching this terrible movie about these Brazilian dancers. I don't want to look up again because I know I'll think in my head again this exact thought... (I am looking up now) "These people look like mentally disabled mimes. I assume they're getting whiplash and the worst part about it all is that they've practiced this for hours and hours I'm sure. I hate this music and I hate this video more than anything I've ever been forced to watch in my life. Not to be closed- minded or anything but, this style of dance should just go away now." And that's that.
On a good note, I'm writing my letters of interest for the soap factory and walker today. My professor just informed me she'll be e-mailing the people at the soap factory as well with her letter of recommendation and i can't wait =)
Wish me luck anyone!
On a good note, I'm writing my letters of interest for the soap factory and walker today. My professor just informed me she'll be e-mailing the people at the soap factory as well with her letter of recommendation and i can't wait =)
Wish me luck anyone!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
April 8th, 2010
Someone is making bird noises outside of my window. I wish it were Tyler!
I'm sitting at the kitchen table studying for my art history test 6 hours from now and I just ate soup from a cup because all the bowls are dirty. I'm drinking coffee and hoping it enhances my ability to absorb artistical knowledge!
I watched the movie Paper Heart yesterday and I appreciated it. I mean, it was an okay movie but I think that the way the main character felt throughout the movie made all the viewers feel like they've been there too.
My favorite part was when an old lady was trying to describe her love of the man she's been with 50+ years; "When you meet somebody and you just get that feeling like you’ve known them forever and they’re definitely part of your life and you can’t imagine life without them and you want to be with them for every minute of every day and you want to share everything; that’s when you’re in love."
Thank you old lady, that was touching. I'm glad you feel that way even though you've been married for so long. You give hope to victims of divorced parents!
I don't want to do art history anymore. I want to just paint all night and not sleep and listen to great music in a studio space. That's what I want!
and also a kiss from the cutest boy I know!
I'm sitting at the kitchen table studying for my art history test 6 hours from now and I just ate soup from a cup because all the bowls are dirty. I'm drinking coffee and hoping it enhances my ability to absorb artistical knowledge!
I watched the movie Paper Heart yesterday and I appreciated it. I mean, it was an okay movie but I think that the way the main character felt throughout the movie made all the viewers feel like they've been there too.
My favorite part was when an old lady was trying to describe her love of the man she's been with 50+ years; "When you meet somebody and you just get that feeling like you’ve known them forever and they’re definitely part of your life and you can’t imagine life without them and you want to be with them for every minute of every day and you want to share everything; that’s when you’re in love."
Thank you old lady, that was touching. I'm glad you feel that way even though you've been married for so long. You give hope to victims of divorced parents!
I don't want to do art history anymore. I want to just paint all night and not sleep and listen to great music in a studio space. That's what I want!
and also a kiss from the cutest boy I know!
Monday, March 29, 2010
March 29th, 2010
I haven't blogged for a decent amount of time.
10 life updates:
1. I had the best week EVER last week. I feel that Tyler and I made great use of our spring breaks. Good job, dear.
2. I conveniently had off of work ALL last week! So that means this week I work a lot. I also picked up a shift on Tuesday because I'm insanely poor and I decided I should try and get some damn hours in...
3. Tyler showed me last week that you can right click on an apple mouse. So that's great!
4. I'm almost all caught up on my homework related things! Almost.
5. There's a good chance I got a minor! Great, thanks Albertville police department. Why dontcha catch the one guy that was screaming instead of giving us all breathalyzers. Maybe then he wouldn't have gotten into a car 2 hours later and got into an accident. Idiots.
6. I feel fat again; now begin phase 1 of spring exercise. Rockin' bod for summer- here i come.
7. I brought Tyler home and he met my family, that's kind of a big deal.
8. I stopped taking my iron pills because it gives me cramps and i get enough of those...
9. Today I long boarded in my moccasins. If you have a long board and moccasins, I suggest not long boarding in your moccasins. It's a challenge and a scare.
10. WE'RE DATING NOW! =)
that's all.
I'm also looking forward to being finished with my homework for today so I can take a suupreeeme nap!
10 life updates:
1. I had the best week EVER last week. I feel that Tyler and I made great use of our spring breaks. Good job, dear.
2. I conveniently had off of work ALL last week! So that means this week I work a lot. I also picked up a shift on Tuesday because I'm insanely poor and I decided I should try and get some damn hours in...
3. Tyler showed me last week that you can right click on an apple mouse. So that's great!
4. I'm almost all caught up on my homework related things! Almost.
5. There's a good chance I got a minor! Great, thanks Albertville police department. Why dontcha catch the one guy that was screaming instead of giving us all breathalyzers. Maybe then he wouldn't have gotten into a car 2 hours later and got into an accident. Idiots.
6. I feel fat again; now begin phase 1 of spring exercise. Rockin' bod for summer- here i come.
7. I brought Tyler home and he met my family, that's kind of a big deal.
8. I stopped taking my iron pills because it gives me cramps and i get enough of those...
9. Today I long boarded in my moccasins. If you have a long board and moccasins, I suggest not long boarding in your moccasins. It's a challenge and a scare.
10. WE'RE DATING NOW! =)
that's all.
I'm also looking forward to being finished with my homework for today so I can take a suupreeeme nap!
Friday, March 19, 2010
March 19th, 2010
My dad is driving me nuts. I wish he would just realize the effect he's had on me my entire life and that I've been running away from it since I was old enough to know that marijuana is illegal. That age was older than it should have been.
Sometimes I wish my childhood were drastically different than it was. I feel bad that a majority of my memories are negative and involving punishment, yelling, alcohol, marijuana, and stiff gestures. Of course, dad wasn't always this way. When mom and him were still together, right after we moved to La Crosse from Chicago, I thought everything was good! I'm sure it was only because I was 6 when we moved and I didn't realize that my mom was going through what my dad has put everyone through. She would work 12 to 15 hour days to stay away from him as long as possible. I remember always being really excited to spend time with mom because she was always gone. Sometimes she would bring me to the hotel with her while she worked. I remember sitting in the big chairs in the lobby and playing in the elevators. At the time I just thought it was because no one could watch me or that she missed me, but I know she was just afraid to leave me at home with dad all day.
I remember when they told me they were getting divorced. I was sitting on my bed with the Jasmine comforter and they came in and just said it. "Melissa, we're getting a divorce." I cried a lot even though I think I was only 7 or 8. I didn't know why I was crying because I didn't know what a divorce actually was, but I knew it was bad and that I should cry. Then mom moved out and into grandma's for awhile. That was weird to me too. To see her back in the house she grew up in. The house that she tried to escape and get out of during her childhood just like I would do too. I lived at home and visited mom at grandma's all the time. I didn't like going there to see her though, she didn't fit there at all.
Mom finally got a better job that paid more and following that, another place to live so that I could be with her half of the time and with dad half of the time. It was an upstairs apartment on Redfield Street by the hospital because that's where she got a job. I stayed with mom Sunday night until Wednesday night and then Wednesday night to Sunday morning I stayed at home with dad. That living situation was terrible but I didn't know that at the time. I didn't know that while I was at school, dad was following mom to work and trying to get her to take him back. She never would. It's not worth it to stay with someone who mentally abuses you the way he did to her. I'll never forget his yell. It wasn't even a yell either, it was more of a scryell that made you feel like he was reaching inside your soul and telling you you're worthless and stupid. Poor mom.
When I was in elementary school I think the reason mom kept me at Blessed Sacrament was because she was afraid I would lose the only friends I had and then have nothing. No family, friends, or a real place to stay. Blessed Sacrament was way too expensive for both of them. Thanks mom.
My two best friends there always told me I was spoiled. It made me feel really bad because I knew at the time that I kind of was, but I didn't know why because we didn't have much money at the time. Dad never had much money ever. Mom was just trying to make sure I was happy and now I realize that she's spent her entire life just trying to make sure my life is nothing like hers was. She bought me a guinea pig when I was 9. I was happy.
Mom dated and dad dated and I hated it. I felt like there were strangers trying to take over my life and I just wanted to leave. At dad's house I was never inside for very long. I spent at least 75% of the time that I spent at that house in my entire life outside or down the street at Rachael's house. When dad would yell at me for something I would get on my bike and ride down all the ally's until I found the brick street with the vintage Volkswagen Beetle. Then I sat there until I thought he was asleep or done being mad and I would ride back because I knew I would be in even more trouble if I came back after dark.
He eventually found Michelle who I didn't know at the time, but would be the reason I would be so negatively affected by my dad's actions until the day I am not on this Earth anymore. Before her dad was in therapy and went to AA meetings every week. I would always make him drink Pepsi instead of beer and I remember being really proud of him. Michelle was just an enforcer of everything that he had just gotten rid of. She brought her 3 year old son, Mike, and her stupid film canisters into our life way too fast. After about a year they got married. She and dad would go out on the weekdays and ask me to watch Mike until they got home. I would always say yes because if I said no I would get yelled at, so I didn't really have a choice. I remember falling asleep on all of our blankets and pillows on the living room floor with Mike because we were watching a movie and he wanted to wait for his mom to come home. They came home after 1 every time they went out so he always fell asleep but I stayed up to make sure they got home okay. I was 13.
Eventually dad and Michelle started fighting more and more. Mike would come into my room and I would let him play Vice City with me on my Playstation even though dad didn't allow him to. At this point Mike was lashing out because of all the screaming that was going on in the house. I was the only person he ever listened to and got along with.
Dad would get mad at Mike when he would refuse to do something. He never touched me, but he wasn't afraid to grab Mike because he was a boy so he could handle it. I would sit there and not be able to do anything while 7 year old Mike would get yanked around and pushed by my dad. Now when I think about it all I can picture is dad's huge strong hand wrapped around Mike's tiny 7 year old wrist. That was the worst. Every time I stuck up for Mike, I ended up running upstairs screaming at the top of my lungs at dad in me and Mike's defense, and slamming the door behind me. He always stayed at the bottom of the stairs and continued to scream at me until he couldn't hear me anymore. I remember he was never really a comforting person. When I cried with mom she would let me hug her and get her shirt all wet with my tears and brush my hair to make me calm down. When I would cry with dad he would just say, "Stop crying, Melissa. Just stop your crying." Thanks, dad.
So middle school rolls around and they kept me at Aquinas because I refused to leave my friends at that point. I became addicted to anyway I could remain in contact with my friends all day and all night. I remember finding "marijuana" as a frequently searched item on Google... That was weird. I knew why it was there but I didn't want to believe that they would actually do that. So, I asked Michelle why it was there and she told me to ask my dad. Dad said he didn't know either. I knew... those idiots.
I think it was when I was in 8th grade that I found weed in our house. So I was 12 or 13. The worst thing was that I wasn't sure what to do with it. Michelle kept it in her purse in a film canister and dad kept it in the dark brown night stand he kept next to the window in his bedroom. They don't know to this day that I know that.
Dad smoked every morning in the bathroom when he woke up. I would be getting ready for school at this time and the bathroom was next door to my room. I would walk by and stand outside the door and say, "Dad I have to get ready now!" Before I would say it I would wait a few seconds though so I could hear what he was doing. I'll never forget that sound. Lighter, inhale, hold, exhale. Sometimes he would answer mid-hit without breathing it out and say, "Okay, just a second kid." He's always called me kid and that bathroom always smelled like weed.
The reason I have such a negative connotation with weed now though, is because of his anger. He was still trying not to drink as much so that was never a fall back plan, but if he didn't have his weed nothing stood in his way. He would do absolutely anything to get it and spend any amount of money to have it always. Let's just say mom was buying me clothes at this point.
High school came and I finally decided to go to a public school. What a relief on my mom, I'm sure. I didn't know anyone there except Eva and Alex and I was afraid of meeting anyone else at that point. Just before school started, dad filed for bankruptcy and all four of us moved into an apartment. At this point I was still living with mom too for half of the week. She moved out of the apartment and bought a trailer on Mormon Coulee by grandma's house. It was the nicest trailer I've ever seen, but a trailer nonetheless. It was also the only time I've ever had a bathroom to myself.
We moved into the apartment and everything exploded. Michelle and dad had moved on from marijuana to vicodin and other drugs I still don't know about and I don't want to. Mike was turning into a wild child and I stayed at Tripp's house everyday because I finally found someone who liked me despite my crazy life and what it had done to me so far. What a life saver, really.
The last day, Michelle came home drunk or high and she was just a mess. She screamed at me and told me how bad of a daughter I was and that I never did anything to help anyone there. She told me I was bad in school and not only was I a bad daughter, but I had a terrible father as well. I ran into my room hysterical and slammed the door. Of course, family trend, she stood outside the closed door and kept yelling things at me. Dad had picked Mike up from school and they just walked in when she was there.
I heard her walk into the kitchen after my dad had told her to calm down and I was not having some woman who I never wanted in my life in the first place, telling me I was a bad daughter and that I had a bad father. She shouldn't have been talking...
I threw that door open harder than I remember grabbing anything. Everything was in slow motion and I saw my dad NICELY push Mike back away from me, which I had never seen him do before. He was genuinely afraid of what I was going to do to her.
Don't worry, I didn't hurt her. But I did scream at her, in my generously passed down "scryell" from dad, that if she ever talked to me that way again she would regret it. I told her that she has no right to ever talk to me that way or say the things she did and that all of her yelling and screaming everyday wasn't helping any of our lives at all. She replied with this quote exactly, "You're right." I walked back into my room, had a panic attack, and called my mom to come pick me up.
That was the last day I lived with that family. What a relief.
Dad went moderately crazy after that. Michelle left him and he lost the apartment and his job. He would get really high or drunk all night and call my cell phone and mom's house phone and leave messages telling us he was going to leave La Crosse forever. Eventually he called saying he was never going to see me again but that he loved me and he was sorry. Obviously I thought he was going to kill himself.
That was not a good night.
He moved to Omaha for awhile with his family and they helped him but no one can ever make him okay again. He moved back my junior year at Central when I moved into mom's new house with her new husband Scott. Scott is a good guy who loves me and is more of a dad than I could ever ask for.
I'll never forget my junior prom thanks to dad, though. We watched the simulation of a drunk driving accident in the parking lot at Central the day before prom. It made me kind of nervous thinking that could be one of my friends getting hurt or hurting anyone else. Prom night came and went and everyone was fine, until 9 the following day.
Michelle called me and she never called me because she knew I hated her. "Melissa, you have to come to the hospital. You're dad got in a car accident this morning." Guess who got into a drunk driving accident! Thanks dad, for crashing your car into a house on Losey Blvd, the main road going through La Crosse. Not only do you lose your license and maybe go to jail, but every person in my high school knows that his happened. Shit. He was mostly fine, which is a miracle, but he still doesn't have his license.
I graduated and he left me alone, until I came to St. Cloud when he began calling me every night until I would answer to tell me how sorry he was for everything. Drunk or high enough to forget the conversation, he would do it at least 3 times a week, forgetting that he had asked everything already.
Freshman year I more or less thought dad was going to die by drinking himself to death or overdosing on drugs. He still hasn't.
He stopped calling me after I told him I knew that he was smoking in the bathroom everyday and that he ruined my early childhood and changed my life forever. Until this month. He calls me and doesn't realize it and then I get a 5 minute message on my phone of him with his one friend smoking and watching stupid tv. I can't worry about it anymore.
I think if it starts happening again I might change my number or tell him not to talk to me anymore, but that will probably just stir more drama up. Despite my moderately crazy life, I'm glad that it all happened. And I'm insanely thankful that I have a mom who knows what she's doing and how to raise a child. It's only because of her, Tripp Watson, and Eva Klug that I'm not a crazy girl.
Thanks for listening internet.
Sometimes I wish my childhood were drastically different than it was. I feel bad that a majority of my memories are negative and involving punishment, yelling, alcohol, marijuana, and stiff gestures. Of course, dad wasn't always this way. When mom and him were still together, right after we moved to La Crosse from Chicago, I thought everything was good! I'm sure it was only because I was 6 when we moved and I didn't realize that my mom was going through what my dad has put everyone through. She would work 12 to 15 hour days to stay away from him as long as possible. I remember always being really excited to spend time with mom because she was always gone. Sometimes she would bring me to the hotel with her while she worked. I remember sitting in the big chairs in the lobby and playing in the elevators. At the time I just thought it was because no one could watch me or that she missed me, but I know she was just afraid to leave me at home with dad all day.
I remember when they told me they were getting divorced. I was sitting on my bed with the Jasmine comforter and they came in and just said it. "Melissa, we're getting a divorce." I cried a lot even though I think I was only 7 or 8. I didn't know why I was crying because I didn't know what a divorce actually was, but I knew it was bad and that I should cry. Then mom moved out and into grandma's for awhile. That was weird to me too. To see her back in the house she grew up in. The house that she tried to escape and get out of during her childhood just like I would do too. I lived at home and visited mom at grandma's all the time. I didn't like going there to see her though, she didn't fit there at all.
Mom finally got a better job that paid more and following that, another place to live so that I could be with her half of the time and with dad half of the time. It was an upstairs apartment on Redfield Street by the hospital because that's where she got a job. I stayed with mom Sunday night until Wednesday night and then Wednesday night to Sunday morning I stayed at home with dad. That living situation was terrible but I didn't know that at the time. I didn't know that while I was at school, dad was following mom to work and trying to get her to take him back. She never would. It's not worth it to stay with someone who mentally abuses you the way he did to her. I'll never forget his yell. It wasn't even a yell either, it was more of a scryell that made you feel like he was reaching inside your soul and telling you you're worthless and stupid. Poor mom.
When I was in elementary school I think the reason mom kept me at Blessed Sacrament was because she was afraid I would lose the only friends I had and then have nothing. No family, friends, or a real place to stay. Blessed Sacrament was way too expensive for both of them. Thanks mom.
My two best friends there always told me I was spoiled. It made me feel really bad because I knew at the time that I kind of was, but I didn't know why because we didn't have much money at the time. Dad never had much money ever. Mom was just trying to make sure I was happy and now I realize that she's spent her entire life just trying to make sure my life is nothing like hers was. She bought me a guinea pig when I was 9. I was happy.
Mom dated and dad dated and I hated it. I felt like there were strangers trying to take over my life and I just wanted to leave. At dad's house I was never inside for very long. I spent at least 75% of the time that I spent at that house in my entire life outside or down the street at Rachael's house. When dad would yell at me for something I would get on my bike and ride down all the ally's until I found the brick street with the vintage Volkswagen Beetle. Then I sat there until I thought he was asleep or done being mad and I would ride back because I knew I would be in even more trouble if I came back after dark.
He eventually found Michelle who I didn't know at the time, but would be the reason I would be so negatively affected by my dad's actions until the day I am not on this Earth anymore. Before her dad was in therapy and went to AA meetings every week. I would always make him drink Pepsi instead of beer and I remember being really proud of him. Michelle was just an enforcer of everything that he had just gotten rid of. She brought her 3 year old son, Mike, and her stupid film canisters into our life way too fast. After about a year they got married. She and dad would go out on the weekdays and ask me to watch Mike until they got home. I would always say yes because if I said no I would get yelled at, so I didn't really have a choice. I remember falling asleep on all of our blankets and pillows on the living room floor with Mike because we were watching a movie and he wanted to wait for his mom to come home. They came home after 1 every time they went out so he always fell asleep but I stayed up to make sure they got home okay. I was 13.
Eventually dad and Michelle started fighting more and more. Mike would come into my room and I would let him play Vice City with me on my Playstation even though dad didn't allow him to. At this point Mike was lashing out because of all the screaming that was going on in the house. I was the only person he ever listened to and got along with.
Dad would get mad at Mike when he would refuse to do something. He never touched me, but he wasn't afraid to grab Mike because he was a boy so he could handle it. I would sit there and not be able to do anything while 7 year old Mike would get yanked around and pushed by my dad. Now when I think about it all I can picture is dad's huge strong hand wrapped around Mike's tiny 7 year old wrist. That was the worst. Every time I stuck up for Mike, I ended up running upstairs screaming at the top of my lungs at dad in me and Mike's defense, and slamming the door behind me. He always stayed at the bottom of the stairs and continued to scream at me until he couldn't hear me anymore. I remember he was never really a comforting person. When I cried with mom she would let me hug her and get her shirt all wet with my tears and brush my hair to make me calm down. When I would cry with dad he would just say, "Stop crying, Melissa. Just stop your crying." Thanks, dad.
So middle school rolls around and they kept me at Aquinas because I refused to leave my friends at that point. I became addicted to anyway I could remain in contact with my friends all day and all night. I remember finding "marijuana" as a frequently searched item on Google... That was weird. I knew why it was there but I didn't want to believe that they would actually do that. So, I asked Michelle why it was there and she told me to ask my dad. Dad said he didn't know either. I knew... those idiots.
I think it was when I was in 8th grade that I found weed in our house. So I was 12 or 13. The worst thing was that I wasn't sure what to do with it. Michelle kept it in her purse in a film canister and dad kept it in the dark brown night stand he kept next to the window in his bedroom. They don't know to this day that I know that.
Dad smoked every morning in the bathroom when he woke up. I would be getting ready for school at this time and the bathroom was next door to my room. I would walk by and stand outside the door and say, "Dad I have to get ready now!" Before I would say it I would wait a few seconds though so I could hear what he was doing. I'll never forget that sound. Lighter, inhale, hold, exhale. Sometimes he would answer mid-hit without breathing it out and say, "Okay, just a second kid." He's always called me kid and that bathroom always smelled like weed.
The reason I have such a negative connotation with weed now though, is because of his anger. He was still trying not to drink as much so that was never a fall back plan, but if he didn't have his weed nothing stood in his way. He would do absolutely anything to get it and spend any amount of money to have it always. Let's just say mom was buying me clothes at this point.
High school came and I finally decided to go to a public school. What a relief on my mom, I'm sure. I didn't know anyone there except Eva and Alex and I was afraid of meeting anyone else at that point. Just before school started, dad filed for bankruptcy and all four of us moved into an apartment. At this point I was still living with mom too for half of the week. She moved out of the apartment and bought a trailer on Mormon Coulee by grandma's house. It was the nicest trailer I've ever seen, but a trailer nonetheless. It was also the only time I've ever had a bathroom to myself.
We moved into the apartment and everything exploded. Michelle and dad had moved on from marijuana to vicodin and other drugs I still don't know about and I don't want to. Mike was turning into a wild child and I stayed at Tripp's house everyday because I finally found someone who liked me despite my crazy life and what it had done to me so far. What a life saver, really.
The last day, Michelle came home drunk or high and she was just a mess. She screamed at me and told me how bad of a daughter I was and that I never did anything to help anyone there. She told me I was bad in school and not only was I a bad daughter, but I had a terrible father as well. I ran into my room hysterical and slammed the door. Of course, family trend, she stood outside the closed door and kept yelling things at me. Dad had picked Mike up from school and they just walked in when she was there.
I heard her walk into the kitchen after my dad had told her to calm down and I was not having some woman who I never wanted in my life in the first place, telling me I was a bad daughter and that I had a bad father. She shouldn't have been talking...
I threw that door open harder than I remember grabbing anything. Everything was in slow motion and I saw my dad NICELY push Mike back away from me, which I had never seen him do before. He was genuinely afraid of what I was going to do to her.
Don't worry, I didn't hurt her. But I did scream at her, in my generously passed down "scryell" from dad, that if she ever talked to me that way again she would regret it. I told her that she has no right to ever talk to me that way or say the things she did and that all of her yelling and screaming everyday wasn't helping any of our lives at all. She replied with this quote exactly, "You're right." I walked back into my room, had a panic attack, and called my mom to come pick me up.
That was the last day I lived with that family. What a relief.
Dad went moderately crazy after that. Michelle left him and he lost the apartment and his job. He would get really high or drunk all night and call my cell phone and mom's house phone and leave messages telling us he was going to leave La Crosse forever. Eventually he called saying he was never going to see me again but that he loved me and he was sorry. Obviously I thought he was going to kill himself.
That was not a good night.
He moved to Omaha for awhile with his family and they helped him but no one can ever make him okay again. He moved back my junior year at Central when I moved into mom's new house with her new husband Scott. Scott is a good guy who loves me and is more of a dad than I could ever ask for.
I'll never forget my junior prom thanks to dad, though. We watched the simulation of a drunk driving accident in the parking lot at Central the day before prom. It made me kind of nervous thinking that could be one of my friends getting hurt or hurting anyone else. Prom night came and went and everyone was fine, until 9 the following day.
Michelle called me and she never called me because she knew I hated her. "Melissa, you have to come to the hospital. You're dad got in a car accident this morning." Guess who got into a drunk driving accident! Thanks dad, for crashing your car into a house on Losey Blvd, the main road going through La Crosse. Not only do you lose your license and maybe go to jail, but every person in my high school knows that his happened. Shit. He was mostly fine, which is a miracle, but he still doesn't have his license.
I graduated and he left me alone, until I came to St. Cloud when he began calling me every night until I would answer to tell me how sorry he was for everything. Drunk or high enough to forget the conversation, he would do it at least 3 times a week, forgetting that he had asked everything already.
Freshman year I more or less thought dad was going to die by drinking himself to death or overdosing on drugs. He still hasn't.
He stopped calling me after I told him I knew that he was smoking in the bathroom everyday and that he ruined my early childhood and changed my life forever. Until this month. He calls me and doesn't realize it and then I get a 5 minute message on my phone of him with his one friend smoking and watching stupid tv. I can't worry about it anymore.
I think if it starts happening again I might change my number or tell him not to talk to me anymore, but that will probably just stir more drama up. Despite my moderately crazy life, I'm glad that it all happened. And I'm insanely thankful that I have a mom who knows what she's doing and how to raise a child. It's only because of her, Tripp Watson, and Eva Klug that I'm not a crazy girl.
Thanks for listening internet.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
March 15th, 2010
I just told the boy on the phone like 2 hours ago that I wanted popcorn but having it would be useless because our microwave takes 7 minutes to pop a full bag and by the time it's done you hardly want it anymore anyway. RUN-ON SENTENCE!
so anyway, the only way i could make popcorn in a timely fashion would be in my roommate's room because she has her own microwave.
this just in:
it's 1:30 AM and i can hear her microwave going. it dimmed my desk lamp and now i can hear the popping of kernels.
that would happen to me.
so anyway, the only way i could make popcorn in a timely fashion would be in my roommate's room because she has her own microwave.
this just in:
it's 1:30 AM and i can hear her microwave going. it dimmed my desk lamp and now i can hear the popping of kernels.
that would happen to me.
Friday, March 12, 2010
March 12th, 2010
Helooh internetz,
All I have to say is that I did indeed surprise the cute boy in Colorado this week and it was, IN FACT, a success. Every second was a treat, except for when he was in class. I was at that time taking pictures on my computer like I so frequently do... Creepazoid! Here's one...
If I could say anything in this photo it might probably be something like this, "Dearest one, I'm very unsure of how much you think I think you mean to me, but in reality you mean a lot. I know everyone says it, but it's hard for me to trust men in general whether they have done something bad to me or not. Well sir, you have me so don't worry about that unless you do something really really stupid. I would appreciate you moving home only because I sincerely appreciate you and the relationship we have going so far. Thanks for laughing at all the same parts as I do while we watch 3 hours of The Office. I will be hoping my pillow is you tonight. Also, can we please make s'mores this summer? I would really like that."
Thanks for listening internet, you always have the right thing to say!
=)
All I have to say is that I did indeed surprise the cute boy in Colorado this week and it was, IN FACT, a success. Every second was a treat, except for when he was in class. I was at that time taking pictures on my computer like I so frequently do... Creepazoid! Here's one...
If I could say anything in this photo it might probably be something like this, "Dearest one, I'm very unsure of how much you think I think you mean to me, but in reality you mean a lot. I know everyone says it, but it's hard for me to trust men in general whether they have done something bad to me or not. Well sir, you have me so don't worry about that unless you do something really really stupid. I would appreciate you moving home only because I sincerely appreciate you and the relationship we have going so far. Thanks for laughing at all the same parts as I do while we watch 3 hours of The Office. I will be hoping my pillow is you tonight. Also, can we please make s'mores this summer? I would really like that."
Thanks for listening internet, you always have the right thing to say!
=)
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
March 1st, 2010
Today I think I will be a little rude and brat-like and make a list of things I want someday. (stars indicate an urgent want)
1. Sharpie; the 24 pack.
2. MacBook Pro.
3. Queen sized bed (PLEASE)
4. This really cute headboard to go with my queen size bed.
5. A nice boy who understands me. (and this necklace to go along with him)
6. The Fuji Instax 7****
FTW!
1. Sharpie; the 24 pack.
2. MacBook Pro.
3. Queen sized bed (PLEASE)
4. This really cute headboard to go with my queen size bed.
5. A nice boy who understands me. (and this necklace to go along with him)
6. The Fuji Instax 7****
FTW!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
February 28th, 2010
Hello world,
I'm bloated and crabby. WHY AM I FATTER!!!!!! I hate being a girl.
ugh.
I'm bloated and crabby. WHY AM I FATTER!!!!!! I hate being a girl.
ugh.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
February 26th, 2010
My message is brief,
Sometimes I just want to pour my corn flakes into my peanut butter jar and eat it with a spoon.
That is all.
Sometimes I just want to pour my corn flakes into my peanut butter jar and eat it with a spoon.
That is all.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
February 18th, 2010
This just in:
new tattoo want; "If everybody's not a beauty, than nobody is." written in some beautiful artsy text on the waist line of my pants on the front side of my body. I don't want it to say -Andy Warhol because I already know that he said it and I don't want there to be too much evidence of my love for him on my body. I want this quote to be there especially because I've struggled with my self image for awhile now. From throwing up to starving myself to only eating oatmeal for X amount of days, I obviously had a problem with my vision of me. I really feel like I've overcome this recently and I'm thankful. I'm overall happy with myself lately and thank goodness.
SO I think this tattoo would be appropriate; not because I think i'm not beautiful, but because every person on this planet has a beautiful feature or physical trait. If everyone doesn't anymore, than no one should.
ANDY WARHOL, YOU'VE GOT ME AGAIN! =)
new tattoo want; "If everybody's not a beauty, than nobody is." written in some beautiful artsy text on the waist line of my pants on the front side of my body. I don't want it to say -Andy Warhol because I already know that he said it and I don't want there to be too much evidence of my love for him on my body. I want this quote to be there especially because I've struggled with my self image for awhile now. From throwing up to starving myself to only eating oatmeal for X amount of days, I obviously had a problem with my vision of me. I really feel like I've overcome this recently and I'm thankful. I'm overall happy with myself lately and thank goodness.
SO I think this tattoo would be appropriate; not because I think i'm not beautiful, but because every person on this planet has a beautiful feature or physical trait. If everyone doesn't anymore, than no one should.
ANDY WARHOL, YOU'VE GOT ME AGAIN! =)
PORTFOLIO REVIEW ESSAY
Melissa Martin
Portfolio Review Statement
“Art, to me, is an expression of true feelings and soul. It is created without the worry of other people’s judgments or opinions. It is a composition of an artist’s strengths and abilities, creating something from nothing. It gives viewers the opportunity to see the world through the eyes of another person;
the world from an artist’s point of view.”
–Melissa Martin
The roles of the artist in society and culture are endless. An artist creates art for themselves and others, which helps shape society and defines our culture. I believe that art has done this for thousands of years and will never be put to an end. Artists open the eyes of hundreds and thousands of people who view their work. It enables viewers to see a side of the world that they may not have seen before. Through the use of color, space, subject, and altogether composition it is possible to view any feeling, idea, or emotion we can imagine. Artists create positive learning atmospheres, beautiful artworks, and pathways to imagination. Similarly to the artist, art creates and ignites imagination as well. Without this in our society the world would almost completely lack life and pure creativity. Art does not have a defined purpose or function in our world; but rather is required for the development of our culture.
I wouldn’t say that I intentionally let art play a part in my life instead I would say that it manages to sneak into everything I do. By this I mean that it has always come naturally to me. It was not until I was in high school that I realized how my love of art changed my perspective of the world around me. I am extremely aware of my surroundings because of the passion I retain. My senses are heightened thanks to my awareness! More or less, art gives meaning to almost every action I perform.
Art does not merely play a role in my life it truly fulfills who I am and what I want to be. Since I was around thirteen years old my friends have told me that I would make a great art teacher. When I was that young I would respond with a simple “thanks” but never took it into account. Like many young artists I wanted an exciting, fast paced, edgy, and eccentric job as an artist in New York or Chicago. Unfortunately, when I entered high school there was a dramatic shift in my family and life at home. I had many unwanted feelings and did not know what to do about them. To cope with these events I turned to the art department at my school and became extremely involved with the program there. There I built the knowledge, skill, and confidence that I needed to pursue my dreams of becoming a developed artist. My senior year in high school came and went, the entire time my only hope was to become a high school art teacher following my years spent at college. Freshman year I finished my foundation art classes with no problems and went on in my second year expecting to pass the portfolio review and enter into the art education program. My senior year I would have been ecstatic about reaching this point in my life, but this time last semester I was minimally excited for something I’ve been waiting for for so long. I had my review and discussed my dreams about becoming an art teacher who would help young artists develop. My essay explained that I wanted to show students how to be successful, intelligent young people in the art world. With this being said, words on a page and actual dialogue can be very different things. The more the interviewers asked me about my work, how I developed my pieces, and my opinions on art, the more they saw that I’ve completely dedicated myself to my work. I am, without a doubt, completely in love with creating paintings and drawings for my own personal satisfaction rather than just finishing an assignment for class. Of course, I had an understanding of this before walking in for the interview, but it was never apparent to me the amount of time I would be losing in Kiehle after finishing my foundation classes. Not only that, but the amount of time I would be losing to create art as a high school teacher following a curriculum. I realized soon after this discussion that this is not a possibility for me. Perhaps, someday in the future I can get my teaching degree if that’s what I still dream of. As of now, I would like to stay grounded in the art department and continue to grow as an artist. The limitations for what we can accomplish as students are endless right now, and forever. A small push was all that I needed to understand what I truly wanted out of my college experience, but it was found. My goals as of last semester are to leave St. Cloud with my BFA in painting and continue on to get my master’s degree. To be even a minimally recognized artist would be incredible, but to move on to greater places than Minnesota is what I adamantly would love to accomplish.
I am truly passionate about creating art. I believe that it is a gateway for other people to see the world through another person’s eyes and mind. I often catch myself thinking that a painting is like a Polaroid photo taken with the mind but developed on canvas. There is nothing about creating art that sounds harmful or restrictive; it is relieving, therapeutic, and full of soul. I’d like viewers to see what I see through my artwork. Ordinary objects should be appreciated and human expressions are endless; that’s what I try to convey through my own artwork. It is often taken for granted how many normal objects and human abilities there actually are in this world and I would like to make some of these objects and functions made known to the people who view my work.
Art means more to me than words can express.
I wish that with this education came a guarantee for what lies ahead of me. Unfortunately, the future is a difficult thing to predict. It can be erased in a second or changed in five minutes. Nonetheless I would like to think I am without a doubt on the right track for a future I will love; whether it is in the next year or the rest of my life. The goals I would like to accomplish following the near future consist of achieving all A’s in my classes, getting some of my general education classes out of the way this summer, and in the long run, attending MCAD following graduation to obtain my master’s degree. I feel that maybe one of these goals is aiming high but I’m willing to put all of my effort into this. As for my personal goals towards my artwork, I would like to become more confident in oil painting. Although I have become more comfortable with it since this time last semester, I am by no means fearless with my use of it. My knowledge of oil paint, the marks it makes, and the consistencies it can achieve are hardly developed, but I’m learning. In addition to this I would also like to be able to branch out from my realistic style and explore other types of drawing and painting. Realistic artwork is nice, but sometimes, although I greatly appreciate having the skills that I do possess, it would be nice to be able to be skilled in more than one genre of a medium.
I wrote the caption at the beginning of my statement to describe the word “art” after receiving an assignment in my art 198 class to define an abstract term. Most of the other students chose to define very generic words like love, happiness, or sadness. Of course all of these would be difficult to define, but the word “art” was especially hard for me. Up until that class I had never thought about my own definition of the word “art” or even cared really. All I knew was that I liked to paint and draw and I didn’t think I ever had to have a meaning or reason to create anything. But, the more I thought about what the word meant, the more I realized why I love it. Painting is not merely a fun activity for me anymore; it’s a very significant part of my life that I intend never to lose sight of. Art has opened my eyes to new perspectives, new situations, and new friends. My first year as an art major has developed my knowledge and understanding of art. It has matured my thinking from an unsure high school student to a confident college student who is always looking for more information. I strongly and eagerly look forward to continuing my education so that I may become a strong artist and painter myself someday. I would like the world to have the ability to see another world, the one I see through my eyes.
wish me luck =)
Portfolio Review Statement
“Art, to me, is an expression of true feelings and soul. It is created without the worry of other people’s judgments or opinions. It is a composition of an artist’s strengths and abilities, creating something from nothing. It gives viewers the opportunity to see the world through the eyes of another person;
the world from an artist’s point of view.”
–Melissa Martin
The roles of the artist in society and culture are endless. An artist creates art for themselves and others, which helps shape society and defines our culture. I believe that art has done this for thousands of years and will never be put to an end. Artists open the eyes of hundreds and thousands of people who view their work. It enables viewers to see a side of the world that they may not have seen before. Through the use of color, space, subject, and altogether composition it is possible to view any feeling, idea, or emotion we can imagine. Artists create positive learning atmospheres, beautiful artworks, and pathways to imagination. Similarly to the artist, art creates and ignites imagination as well. Without this in our society the world would almost completely lack life and pure creativity. Art does not have a defined purpose or function in our world; but rather is required for the development of our culture.
I wouldn’t say that I intentionally let art play a part in my life instead I would say that it manages to sneak into everything I do. By this I mean that it has always come naturally to me. It was not until I was in high school that I realized how my love of art changed my perspective of the world around me. I am extremely aware of my surroundings because of the passion I retain. My senses are heightened thanks to my awareness! More or less, art gives meaning to almost every action I perform.
Art does not merely play a role in my life it truly fulfills who I am and what I want to be. Since I was around thirteen years old my friends have told me that I would make a great art teacher. When I was that young I would respond with a simple “thanks” but never took it into account. Like many young artists I wanted an exciting, fast paced, edgy, and eccentric job as an artist in New York or Chicago. Unfortunately, when I entered high school there was a dramatic shift in my family and life at home. I had many unwanted feelings and did not know what to do about them. To cope with these events I turned to the art department at my school and became extremely involved with the program there. There I built the knowledge, skill, and confidence that I needed to pursue my dreams of becoming a developed artist. My senior year in high school came and went, the entire time my only hope was to become a high school art teacher following my years spent at college. Freshman year I finished my foundation art classes with no problems and went on in my second year expecting to pass the portfolio review and enter into the art education program. My senior year I would have been ecstatic about reaching this point in my life, but this time last semester I was minimally excited for something I’ve been waiting for for so long. I had my review and discussed my dreams about becoming an art teacher who would help young artists develop. My essay explained that I wanted to show students how to be successful, intelligent young people in the art world. With this being said, words on a page and actual dialogue can be very different things. The more the interviewers asked me about my work, how I developed my pieces, and my opinions on art, the more they saw that I’ve completely dedicated myself to my work. I am, without a doubt, completely in love with creating paintings and drawings for my own personal satisfaction rather than just finishing an assignment for class. Of course, I had an understanding of this before walking in for the interview, but it was never apparent to me the amount of time I would be losing in Kiehle after finishing my foundation classes. Not only that, but the amount of time I would be losing to create art as a high school teacher following a curriculum. I realized soon after this discussion that this is not a possibility for me. Perhaps, someday in the future I can get my teaching degree if that’s what I still dream of. As of now, I would like to stay grounded in the art department and continue to grow as an artist. The limitations for what we can accomplish as students are endless right now, and forever. A small push was all that I needed to understand what I truly wanted out of my college experience, but it was found. My goals as of last semester are to leave St. Cloud with my BFA in painting and continue on to get my master’s degree. To be even a minimally recognized artist would be incredible, but to move on to greater places than Minnesota is what I adamantly would love to accomplish.
I am truly passionate about creating art. I believe that it is a gateway for other people to see the world through another person’s eyes and mind. I often catch myself thinking that a painting is like a Polaroid photo taken with the mind but developed on canvas. There is nothing about creating art that sounds harmful or restrictive; it is relieving, therapeutic, and full of soul. I’d like viewers to see what I see through my artwork. Ordinary objects should be appreciated and human expressions are endless; that’s what I try to convey through my own artwork. It is often taken for granted how many normal objects and human abilities there actually are in this world and I would like to make some of these objects and functions made known to the people who view my work.
Art means more to me than words can express.
I wish that with this education came a guarantee for what lies ahead of me. Unfortunately, the future is a difficult thing to predict. It can be erased in a second or changed in five minutes. Nonetheless I would like to think I am without a doubt on the right track for a future I will love; whether it is in the next year or the rest of my life. The goals I would like to accomplish following the near future consist of achieving all A’s in my classes, getting some of my general education classes out of the way this summer, and in the long run, attending MCAD following graduation to obtain my master’s degree. I feel that maybe one of these goals is aiming high but I’m willing to put all of my effort into this. As for my personal goals towards my artwork, I would like to become more confident in oil painting. Although I have become more comfortable with it since this time last semester, I am by no means fearless with my use of it. My knowledge of oil paint, the marks it makes, and the consistencies it can achieve are hardly developed, but I’m learning. In addition to this I would also like to be able to branch out from my realistic style and explore other types of drawing and painting. Realistic artwork is nice, but sometimes, although I greatly appreciate having the skills that I do possess, it would be nice to be able to be skilled in more than one genre of a medium.
I wrote the caption at the beginning of my statement to describe the word “art” after receiving an assignment in my art 198 class to define an abstract term. Most of the other students chose to define very generic words like love, happiness, or sadness. Of course all of these would be difficult to define, but the word “art” was especially hard for me. Up until that class I had never thought about my own definition of the word “art” or even cared really. All I knew was that I liked to paint and draw and I didn’t think I ever had to have a meaning or reason to create anything. But, the more I thought about what the word meant, the more I realized why I love it. Painting is not merely a fun activity for me anymore; it’s a very significant part of my life that I intend never to lose sight of. Art has opened my eyes to new perspectives, new situations, and new friends. My first year as an art major has developed my knowledge and understanding of art. It has matured my thinking from an unsure high school student to a confident college student who is always looking for more information. I strongly and eagerly look forward to continuing my education so that I may become a strong artist and painter myself someday. I would like the world to have the ability to see another world, the one I see through my eyes.
wish me luck =)
February 17th, 2010
Happy Ash Wednesday everyone!
I'm giving up chocolate. Don't let me forget.
So anyway, I got a phone call last night and my plans are ONNN and someone is in for a pretty good spring break. =) (hint: it's me)
The only thing that hasn't been good today is my food choice. I've been in the art building all day and this is what I've eaten: FOUR, count em, FOUR pop tarts. okay, not four packages of them but four individual tarts. yuck, i feel disgusting. i'm going for a major run tonight and then back to my apartment to do some more laundry, watch some movies, and go over my portfolio review essay a few more thousand times.
i haven't blogged about my life completely for awhile so here i go. this'll be a long one. NEXT ON TOPIC: my health. i started taking meds for my extreme lack of iron and my elevated thyroid last week. everyday my body is adjusting differently and it's driving me nuts. not to be gross any guy that's reading this, but i don't know where else to get this out there. i've been taking my thyroid pill in the morning, iron in the afternoon, and my BC before i go to bed. I'm a week and a half into my BC now and guess what i got on monday night.
WHAAAAAT!? why?! this is like a mean joke my body is pulling on me. it's probably saying something like "aha, melissa gets cramps twice in one month!" jerk ovaries... wtf. so anyway, i'm pissed about this. i feel bloated and i'm getting cramps and i'm moody and emotional just like i would be during that last week. NO THANKS! i'm insanely annoyed about it. hopefully it's almost gone now. goddamn.
okay, subject change. i know that i've talked about this guy a few times in the past month or months or whatevskies, but i don't feel like it's just a little crush anymore. i mean i'm saying i really like him. a lot. enough to make him a painting you guys... and thats not something i do for anyone unless it's a class assignment and it means nothing to me. well, this wasn't a class assignment at all- it was actually something i spent a lot of time on! SIGH so anyway, dear boy i like who lives far away. i have something in store for you soon that you don't know about. how do you like that. =) i know i keep telling you i'll stop bothering you about it, but i don't honestly want to. please move home and date me you jerk! ha, you're not a jerk. but seriously, i want to be with you. not because of me wanting others to know i'm unavailable and not so that i can change my relationship status on facebook. so that i know that i'm for you and you're for me and that's that.
ALSO ALSO ALSO my portfolio review is coming up again. i just finished my essay and i'll post it as "Portfolio Review" after i'm done with this blog.
thanks for listening internet, you always cheer me up. =)
I'm giving up chocolate. Don't let me forget.
So anyway, I got a phone call last night and my plans are ONNN and someone is in for a pretty good spring break. =) (hint: it's me)
The only thing that hasn't been good today is my food choice. I've been in the art building all day and this is what I've eaten: FOUR, count em, FOUR pop tarts. okay, not four packages of them but four individual tarts. yuck, i feel disgusting. i'm going for a major run tonight and then back to my apartment to do some more laundry, watch some movies, and go over my portfolio review essay a few more thousand times.
i haven't blogged about my life completely for awhile so here i go. this'll be a long one. NEXT ON TOPIC: my health. i started taking meds for my extreme lack of iron and my elevated thyroid last week. everyday my body is adjusting differently and it's driving me nuts. not to be gross any guy that's reading this, but i don't know where else to get this out there. i've been taking my thyroid pill in the morning, iron in the afternoon, and my BC before i go to bed. I'm a week and a half into my BC now and guess what i got on monday night.
WHAAAAAT!? why?! this is like a mean joke my body is pulling on me. it's probably saying something like "aha, melissa gets cramps twice in one month!" jerk ovaries... wtf. so anyway, i'm pissed about this. i feel bloated and i'm getting cramps and i'm moody and emotional just like i would be during that last week. NO THANKS! i'm insanely annoyed about it. hopefully it's almost gone now. goddamn.
okay, subject change. i know that i've talked about this guy a few times in the past month or months or whatevskies, but i don't feel like it's just a little crush anymore. i mean i'm saying i really like him. a lot. enough to make him a painting you guys... and thats not something i do for anyone unless it's a class assignment and it means nothing to me. well, this wasn't a class assignment at all- it was actually something i spent a lot of time on! SIGH so anyway, dear boy i like who lives far away. i have something in store for you soon that you don't know about. how do you like that. =) i know i keep telling you i'll stop bothering you about it, but i don't honestly want to. please move home and date me you jerk! ha, you're not a jerk. but seriously, i want to be with you. not because of me wanting others to know i'm unavailable and not so that i can change my relationship status on facebook. so that i know that i'm for you and you're for me and that's that.
ALSO ALSO ALSO my portfolio review is coming up again. i just finished my essay and i'll post it as "Portfolio Review" after i'm done with this blog.
thanks for listening internet, you always cheer me up. =)
Thursday, February 11, 2010
february 12th, 2010
I feel like it's really still February 11th, but oh well.
I only have one message for this date...
Dear chocolate valentine's fish that was meant as a silly joke for my boy,
You are not meant to be eaten in one sitting, unless of course the boy doesn't come home for Valentine's Day. That it is 100% acceptable.
That is all!
I only have one message for this date...
Dear chocolate valentine's fish that was meant as a silly joke for my boy,
You are not meant to be eaten in one sitting, unless of course the boy doesn't come home for Valentine's Day. That it is 100% acceptable.
That is all!
February 11th, 2010
K, I'm bummed. Forreal.
The boy can't come home for Valentine's Day weekend. I understand this; tried to get home last weekend and didn't and can't get off work this weekend. Totally not his fault at all. Except that he should have asked off for this weekend instead of last! Another Valentine's Day alone... FAIL. Now I'm going to switch off between my tiny bedroom watching movies and laying in bed with his lightly boy-smelled tshirt only to turn to my even smaller studio where I'll probably listen to sad music, paint, and feel bad that no one will ever commit to being with me.
I'm going to go ahead and feel REAL sorry for myself now.
I know that he lives far away and has had bad past relationships, but hey guy, I'm NOT your old relationship! If I'm bugging you it's only because I have no idea what you're doing with this. You're not the only one who's had bad past relationships bucko! You're pretty much my other half so far! Unless I'm just having my head played with? But, if you want to be friends, say "let's just be friends" and if you want to be with me say this:
"Melissa, you mean a lot to me even though I can't see you every day. I like you and I don't want you to get snatched up by some other boy. Please be with me!"
guess what I'd say...
"OKAY!"
good lord.
I asked off for this weekend; he doesn't know.
The boy can't come home for Valentine's Day weekend. I understand this; tried to get home last weekend and didn't and can't get off work this weekend. Totally not his fault at all. Except that he should have asked off for this weekend instead of last! Another Valentine's Day alone... FAIL. Now I'm going to switch off between my tiny bedroom watching movies and laying in bed with his lightly boy-smelled tshirt only to turn to my even smaller studio where I'll probably listen to sad music, paint, and feel bad that no one will ever commit to being with me.
I'm going to go ahead and feel REAL sorry for myself now.
I know that he lives far away and has had bad past relationships, but hey guy, I'm NOT your old relationship! If I'm bugging you it's only because I have no idea what you're doing with this. You're not the only one who's had bad past relationships bucko! You're pretty much my other half so far! Unless I'm just having my head played with? But, if you want to be friends, say "let's just be friends" and if you want to be with me say this:
"Melissa, you mean a lot to me even though I can't see you every day. I like you and I don't want you to get snatched up by some other boy. Please be with me!"
guess what I'd say...
"OKAY!"
good lord.
I asked off for this weekend; he doesn't know.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
February 9th, 2010
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!
I haven't blogged for awhile. I've been busy disliking almost everything that's happening in my life. Anemia? Thyroids!? No more student loans!!?? Weight gain!!!! No, I don't know if I"m gaining that much weight really, but it sure feels like it. I am trying to figure out how to be as small as I used to be, not like I'm huge now or anything. It's just a goal of mine. ALSO attention all boys who know I don't appreciate them as more than a friend, which is all boys except one, PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE! I don't like you, I don't care about your opinion of me or who I like, and I don't want to get drunk and snuggle up with you; ever. Peace out men except one who actually doesn't suck.
That's all for now.
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Except I took a picture of how I feel my face has blown up like a balloon I hope it's the lighting. BLEH! It's probably just me, I hope. But seriously, Brison on My Life As Liz is beautiful. OKAY that's really all =)
I haven't blogged for awhile. I've been busy disliking almost everything that's happening in my life. Anemia? Thyroids!? No more student loans!!?? Weight gain!!!! No, I don't know if I"m gaining that much weight really, but it sure feels like it. I am trying to figure out how to be as small as I used to be, not like I'm huge now or anything. It's just a goal of mine. ALSO attention all boys who know I don't appreciate them as more than a friend, which is all boys except one, PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE! I don't like you, I don't care about your opinion of me or who I like, and I don't want to get drunk and snuggle up with you; ever. Peace out men except one who actually doesn't suck.
That's all for now.
1Except I took a picture of how I feel my face has blown up like a balloon I hope it's the lighting. BLEH! It's probably just me, I hope. But seriously, Brison on My Life As Liz is beautiful. OKAY that's really all =)
Monday, January 25, 2010
January 25th, 2010
Hi.
I just checked my goddamn TCF account online. Premier damn Real Estate took rent out of my account twice and now i'm almost 100 dollars in overdraft. WHAAATTT how is that possible?! Great. Gross premier... I'll fix it tomorrow this nasty thing. UGH
I'm going to shower, do the dishes, and go back to the art building to paint some more. What a mess.
Thankfully, Motion City posted their Minneapolis tour blog video for this past saturday. It made me in a better mood. Justin Pierre, not to be a creep but you're seriously my soul mate I think, we're way too similar.
Peace friends. Wish me luck in fixing my issue.
I just checked my goddamn TCF account online. Premier damn Real Estate took rent out of my account twice and now i'm almost 100 dollars in overdraft. WHAAATTT how is that possible?! Great. Gross premier... I'll fix it tomorrow this nasty thing. UGH
I'm going to shower, do the dishes, and go back to the art building to paint some more. What a mess.
Thankfully, Motion City posted their Minneapolis tour blog video for this past saturday. It made me in a better mood. Justin Pierre, not to be a creep but you're seriously my soul mate I think, we're way too similar.
Peace friends. Wish me luck in fixing my issue.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
January 24th 1/2, 2010
By the way, this man is amazing and beautiful. You should see him in real life! =)
Oh hi, I'm a 12 year old girl.
January 24th, 2010
Okay, lets be real. I love Motion City Soundtrack way too much and it's quite possibly growing to be a problem, but honestly I'm okay with that. From my first time seeing them live in 2004, before their first released cd I Am the Movie came out until the release of My Dinosaur Life in 2010, my love continues to stay strong. To watch a band and their members go from midwesterners, to married men, to rehab members, to warped tour veterans, to mtv, and sold out shows isn't just a treat. I feel like I've first hand been through things with this band as well as them with me. Meeting Justin and Josh was a nice surprise last year in September at UofM and then sitting and eating pizza with Justin was a DREEEEEEEAM! What a guy. Way too nice...
Moral of the story; saw Motion City Soundtrack last night. Insanely fun, packed, and intense! It was like they held in all of their energy since the last tour 3 years ago and released it all at the kick-off of their tour in Minneapolis last night.
Dear MCS,
Hi, you've met me in Wisconsin 4 years ago and I still love you. Thanks for being the band that I know and need to love. Congrats on making it this far, I knew you'd get it. BOOM! Have fun in LA!
Moral of the story; saw Motion City Soundtrack last night. Insanely fun, packed, and intense! It was like they held in all of their energy since the last tour 3 years ago and released it all at the kick-off of their tour in Minneapolis last night.
Dear MCS,
Hi, you've met me in Wisconsin 4 years ago and I still love you. Thanks for being the band that I know and need to love. Congrats on making it this far, I knew you'd get it. BOOM! Have fun in LA!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
January 20th, 2010
Hello world, I'm grumpy tonight.
I thought I was really doing well and getting over my obsession with my weight and how I look, but recently it's going downhill again. I haven't done anything intense again but really, I hate this. Why can't I ever be happy with myself!!!
The world will never know.
I have dance tomorrow which usually wears me out quite a bit so hopefully I'll feel better following that.
I'm watching Corpse Bride hoping that will cheer me up! So far it is. This movie is beautiful. The music in it isn't too bad either.
So the moral of the story today is this: I need to stop caring so much about how I look, dance class is ridiculously fun, and good music and a nicely done clay-mation really cheer me up.
So do flowers.
Technically, I can't say that flowers cheer me up because I've only received them once and that was on my 16th birthday from my best friend, Eva. I hope to expand that number someday soon.
I thought I was really doing well and getting over my obsession with my weight and how I look, but recently it's going downhill again. I haven't done anything intense again but really, I hate this. Why can't I ever be happy with myself!!!
The world will never know.
I have dance tomorrow which usually wears me out quite a bit so hopefully I'll feel better following that.
I'm watching Corpse Bride hoping that will cheer me up! So far it is. This movie is beautiful. The music in it isn't too bad either.
So the moral of the story today is this: I need to stop caring so much about how I look, dance class is ridiculously fun, and good music and a nicely done clay-mation really cheer me up.
So do flowers.
Technically, I can't say that flowers cheer me up because I've only received them once and that was on my 16th birthday from my best friend, Eva. I hope to expand that number someday soon.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
January 12th, 2010
Alright, here's what's up. Motion City Soundtrack is by far my favorite band right now and they have been since I was about 15. I ate dinner with the lead singer and messaged him on myspace (cute) so anyway, I love 'em. Their new cd officially comes out January 19th but since people were already illegally downloading it, they put the entire thing on their Myspace page. So anyway, it rocks so much harder than I ever could have asked for! Merry late Christmas to MCS fans, this is bomb!
So they had a scavenger hunt in Minneapolis, I knew where it was with 1 glance. I figured it would be found within the hour it would have taken me to get there. It was at First Ave in one of the side exits for the employees. SO. UPSET. but oh well, at least I knew =) Thank goodness I have tickets to see them there on the 23rd of this month. I'm going to rock out so hard I'll be sore for weeks!
I took pictures of my excitement today... of course.
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This is how they make me feel right now, and usually always, but especially today. Everyone better listen and love.
So they had a scavenger hunt in Minneapolis, I knew where it was with 1 glance. I figured it would be found within the hour it would have taken me to get there. It was at First Ave in one of the side exits for the employees. SO. UPSET. but oh well, at least I knew =) Thank goodness I have tickets to see them there on the 23rd of this month. I'm going to rock out so hard I'll be sore for weeks!
I took pictures of my excitement today... of course.
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This is how they make me feel right now, and usually always, but especially today. Everyone better listen and love.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
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January 9th, 2010
This morning I woke up next to an extremely attractive, well-mannered gentleman. He's far away now and I dislike that. I went to work and then to buy kleenex because my nose is stuffy. Then I ate some cereal and now I'm watching Breakfast at Tiffany's. Not to be cliche, but I love this movie. The part that I'm watching right now is when they steal those crazy masks... GEEZ it's so great. So anyway, I'm feeling strangely selfish today so I think I'll make a list of things about me; MEEE!
-my middle name is Emily, which I'm satisfied with. Honestly, I wish it were something like Olivia or Oz (ha) so that my initials would spell MOM.
-I feel like I have a special connection with cats and dogs because even the meanest always like me and nuzzle their cute fuzzy heads into my hand.
-when friends talk to me about their problems I always try and give my best advice, and it frequently turns out well. I can't take my own advice and I don't know who to tell my weird feelings to.
-sometimes when I'm by myself I narrate situations in my head and it always seems like I'm in a movie.
-I think I'm a very unreliable person in some situations. If you don't commit an extended period of friendly devotion to me then it's doubtful that I will do the same for you.
-I have a long strange list of fears that are really ridiculous, but I'm honestly afraid of all of them: the dark, ghosts, silence, car accidents, cars hitting people walking on the sidewalk, getting frostbite, being fat, sharks, spiders, birds, things hitting my windshield, fire, anything harmful happening to my mom, being alone, looking inexperienced. These all make me extremely nervous
-I don't like feet unless they're in shoes. I like shoes.
-my relationship with father isn't very good, but I love him nonetheless
-I only like acoustic songs if the lyrics are good and the singer is top notch.
-being taken advantage of is not something I tolerate, ever.
-if I could make every person I see smile, that would be the best day ever.
-I don't like fish in any form
-my perfect painting conditions are non-carpeted floors, in the sun or outside in at least 70 degree weather.
-I love to dance even though I look silly when I do it.
-I've never been to Disney World and the only reason that upsets me is because the reason I've never been there is because my parents used the Disney World money for their divorce.
-Glasses are better.
-if you smell good, I like you.
-i also need a man who will take out my splinters, because I can never get those things out.
I have no idea why I'm doing this. BORED time! Maybe I'll add more later... ha
-my middle name is Emily, which I'm satisfied with. Honestly, I wish it were something like Olivia or Oz (ha) so that my initials would spell MOM.
-I feel like I have a special connection with cats and dogs because even the meanest always like me and nuzzle their cute fuzzy heads into my hand.
-when friends talk to me about their problems I always try and give my best advice, and it frequently turns out well. I can't take my own advice and I don't know who to tell my weird feelings to.
-sometimes when I'm by myself I narrate situations in my head and it always seems like I'm in a movie.
-I think I'm a very unreliable person in some situations. If you don't commit an extended period of friendly devotion to me then it's doubtful that I will do the same for you.
-I have a long strange list of fears that are really ridiculous, but I'm honestly afraid of all of them: the dark, ghosts, silence, car accidents, cars hitting people walking on the sidewalk, getting frostbite, being fat, sharks, spiders, birds, things hitting my windshield, fire, anything harmful happening to my mom, being alone, looking inexperienced. These all make me extremely nervous
-I don't like feet unless they're in shoes. I like shoes.
-my relationship with father isn't very good, but I love him nonetheless
-I only like acoustic songs if the lyrics are good and the singer is top notch.
-being taken advantage of is not something I tolerate, ever.
-if I could make every person I see smile, that would be the best day ever.
-I don't like fish in any form
-my perfect painting conditions are non-carpeted floors, in the sun or outside in at least 70 degree weather.
-I love to dance even though I look silly when I do it.
-I've never been to Disney World and the only reason that upsets me is because the reason I've never been there is because my parents used the Disney World money for their divorce.
-Glasses are better.
-if you smell good, I like you.
-i also need a man who will take out my splinters, because I can never get those things out.
I have no idea why I'm doing this. BORED time! Maybe I'll add more later... ha
Friday, January 8, 2010
January 8th, 2010
About to go to a cancer benefit in Minneapolis where my art is being auctioned. I love it =) Listening to Justice before I leave...
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me on Justice at 2:12 into DVNO from A Cross the Universe. Justice, I love you.
I also love hanging out with a cute boy for an entire day only to watch Harry Potter nonstop and waking him up to pancakes and a morning face attack... WIN. =)
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me on Justice at 2:12 into DVNO from A Cross the Universe. Justice, I love you.
I also love hanging out with a cute boy for an entire day only to watch Harry Potter nonstop and waking him up to pancakes and a morning face attack... WIN. =)
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
January 6th, 2010
Happy New Year!
I would like to keep this brief considering I'm might tired.
Mexico was incredible (dancing until 6AM and not speaking Spanish), Christmas was super fun (fish eye lens and family), cute boy (not taking our time frame for granted).
These past two weeks have been fun but I'm about to get stressed from money situations that I'm highly avoiding. Student loan, PLEASE HELP ME!
I would like to keep this brief considering I'm might tired.
Mexico was incredible (dancing until 6AM and not speaking Spanish), Christmas was super fun (fish eye lens and family), cute boy (not taking our time frame for granted).
These past two weeks have been fun but I'm about to get stressed from money situations that I'm highly avoiding. Student loan, PLEASE HELP ME!
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